Different Distances

The both of us lovely bloggers are in job-induced long distance romantic relationships. But our relationships could not be more different, especially in how other people see them.

Sarah is in love with her childhood sweetheart, a young man who found himself employed in the expanding oil fields in North Dakota. For those of you who might not be familiar, the life of an oil field worker is not an easy one. The long hours and dangerous environment do not make for an easy life, which in turn makes maintaining relationships (of any kind) difficult. For Sarah, the life they have chosen has been more difficult than I could ever bear. Long silences where the job requires attention, difficult moves to places even further away than before, and so little vacation time to be together.

At face value our relationships are very similar. John, my man of choice, is a member of the United States Air Force. His long hours and dangerous environment do not make for an easy life, which in turn has placed stress on our relationship. There are silences, and we are now further apart than we ever imagined being. I am fortunate in that John's job is (mostly) forgiving, allowing time for us.

And that is where the similarities stop. Here is where life has been unfailingly cruel to my dear Sarah.

When people see my relationship, they see a couple sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of our country. Our sad moments are met with sympathy and support, and our triumphs celebrated (the big ones anyway) with pomp.

"It is so wonderful to see a young couple so dedicated to their lives together."

But for Sarah, who has given up so much more than I for the sake of love, there is none of this. When people ask her about any young men in her life, they are taken aback at the distance, astonished that she would choose such a life for herself. So many ignore the effort and the love that she pours into this relationship, choosing instead to be critical and judgmental.

And this is not fair.

My Valentine Afar

Long-distance holidays suck.

There's just no getting over it.  It's difficult being far away from the person you love on days that are all about being with the people you love.  And in my opinion, Valentine's Day is one of the worst.

Valentine's is hard because it's not the kind of holiday where you surround yourself with family like Christmas.  And it's not the kind of holiday where being single is flirty and fun, like New Year's Eve.  Valentine's is the holiday where EVERYONE makes a big deal out of their relationship status.

There are the married/engaged/dating people who post a million pictures of their presents on Facebook.  There are the singles posting "woe is me" or "pretending not to care" cries for attention.  And don't even get me started on the people who GET engaged on Valentine's.

And the whole time, you're just sitting there, trying to not be bitter about it, pretending you weren't secretly hoping that your significant other would show up on your doorstep unannounced and sweep you off your feet.  Such is the life we live.

I don't know how we do it, we just do.  Somehow, we make the hours and the miles work.  Even when we can't explain why, we know it's worth it.  There is something magical about being in a successful long-distance relationship, something undefinable that makes the roller coaster ride feel more high than low.

So for all of you whose hearts look like this:

Count your blessings, have a drink, get angry, stare blankly at Netflix, cry a little.

And don't forget to say, "I love you."  Tomorrow will come soon.


Love, Sarah

Things We Didn't Expect

Things never go according to plan.

Jenn and I have learned this so many times over in the eight months since graduation.  Jenn, who expected to be living in the UK with her Air Force boyfriend and starting her graduate school journey, is now living in Montana, working as a substitute teacher, and planning a wedding.  I expected to be working, paying my bills, and saving up to move 600 miles with my long-distance boyfriend, and instead I'm budgeting my way through a part-time job, living with my parents, and contemplating the insanity of getting my MFA while my guy is working three time zones from me.

It's a hard thing when plans take a nose dive.  Especially for new grads.

I had a professor (also named Jen) who used to call all of the anguish, anger, pain, hurt, fear, and nameless emotion "mess."  It's probably the most accurate term I have ever had for that vortex of feelings that swirls inside - it feels messy.  Professor Jen was always trying to help me appreciate the mess, to see the beauty in the mess, but I never believed her.  I don't like being out of control, I don't like when people see me crack, and I don't like not knowing what is coming next.


Jenn and I are learning.  We're trying to get a handle on making the best of life while we navigate all of this, and we're actually coming up with some good ideas.  This blog is about our journey, and our learning.  We hope you'll join us.

-Sarah